Afotimber
When I saw how messy things were getting between us, I sat him down and asked; “Do you still want to be with me? Be honest with yourself. If you don’t want me anymore, tell me and I’ll leave.” He looked at my face and said nothing. For some reason, I chose to interpret his silence for myself. I wanted him to want me so I concluded that his lack of response meant he did want me.
A few days later, he started giving me cold treatment. It felt like a déjà vu. The last time he behaved this way, I was not living with him. However, when I visited him I found traces of another woman in his room. The first time this happened, our baby was two months old. It was our first visit to his place since I had the baby. I noticed that he was too restless for a man who was supposed to be spending quality time bonding with his child. So I got suspicious.
Luckily, he went out to get a few things from the store and left his phone at home. I seized the opportunity and went through it. I found chats between him and another woman. Her name is Grace. The things I saw upset me but I didn’t confront him while I was with him. I waited until I returned to my place before I started asking questions. And his response to all my questions was, “There is nothing going on between us. She is just a friend.” I hadn’t seen enough to prove he was lying so I let it go.
On our next visit, I took the lady’s number from his phone and texted her. I asked her, “Who is Barima to you?” I was polite but she responded with insults. I also got angry and insulted her back. It turned into a heated exchange. I had to block her to end everything. After blocking her, I sent screenshots of her insults to my baby daddy. A few minutes later, he also sent me screenshots of their chats. I smiled when I read it because he insulted her on my behalf.
All that drama didn’t end whatever they had going on. I didn’t want to stress myself any further so I let them be. Eventually, they had an argument and neither of them was willing to be the bigger person and talk things out. That’s how Grace finally left the picture.
It was after all that brouhaha that I packed my things and moved in with him. By then, our baby had turned one. I didn’t want to move but he was being irresponsible. Child support barely came, if it did, it delayed. So I felt if we lived with him, he would have no choice but to provide for our needs.
Right from the moment I arrived at his place, Barima started treating me as though I was a stranger to him. No, that’s not true. He wouldn’t treat a stranger with as much contempt as he treated me. I tried to work my way around him but it didn’t work. Everything I did seemed to rub him off wrongly.
That was when I sat him down and asked if he was no longer interested in the relationship. After saying nothing, he chose to let his actions speak for him. He became cold toward me. To find answers, I went through his phone when I got the chance. This time around, the woman I found is Fati. She calls him every day.
I confronted him and he said, “She is just a friend. Her granny lives around so she sends me money to give to the old lady for her.” I nodded and said okay while I made a mental note to monitor him keenly.
One day I was at home when she called him. He took the phone and went out to receive the call. I overheard him saying, “Right now I am at home so let’s talk later.” I didn’t say anything. A few days later, I took the lady’s number from his phone and sent her a message on WhatsApp. I asked about the nature of her relationship with him and she said, “Oh, he is just a friend.” I said okay and left her alone.
One day Barima picked a fight with me out of the blue. It was so bad that he yelled at me, “I don’t want you here anymore. Pack your things and get out!” I refused to leave. I don’t know why but something told me to stay.
A few hours later, Fati showed up at the house. “Oh, I see,” I thought, “ So they wanted me gone so that they would have time and enjoy themselves. It won’t happen.” The moment she saw me, she headed straight to her granny’s place. The next morning I was sweeping outside the house when she passed by and greeted me. I didn’t respond. I was still reeling from the shock of the previous day.
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From that day, Fati would show up at the house to greet me. She didn’t care whether or not I responded. Sometimes she would ask of Barima and I would tell her, “He is not around.” Other times she would meet him on the compound and the two of them would chat for long before she would return home.
When I told Barima I was uncomfortable with their relationship, he rained all sorts of insults on me. Things got bad from there. I became frustrated and insulted Fati. She didn’t take it lying down. She told me, “If Barima had eyes, he wouldn’t be dating you.” It pained me so I insulted her back and blocked her.
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I believe she must have told him about the exchange. Because he started giving me silent treatment after that incident. Now, he doesn’t leave money for upkeep when he is leaving home. Yet, he eats my food when he gets home.
I am here asking myself if I am being stupid for leaving food for him to come and eat, despite how badly he is treating me. Everything here tells me to leave but I fear that if I leave, Fati will take over. And that will be the end of Barima and me. I don’t even know why I am afraid to lose a guy I am convinced does not love me. Whatever I am holding on to, I have no idea. I think I need help.
— Asor
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