Timber
The first time I saw Adonis, I felt something—something so strong that calling it “love at first sight” would be an understatement. His smart outfit perfectly complemented his tall figure. His face had my heart thumping budum budum budum in my chest. He was attractive in every way. Right then, I knew I would love him.
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I didn’t approach him immediately. I was patient enough to want to know him from afar first before making any moves. So, I watched him closely. I noted the sound of his hearty laughter. I paid attention to his friends. I monitored the times he came to school and how long he lingered on campus before going back. It was as though I was conducting a secret research on him, and was in my data gathering stage.
For six whole months, I fantasised about him. The more I spent time with him in my daydreams, the deeper I fell. He consumed my every thought. At one point my best friend told me, “I am tired of hearing about your undying love for this Adonis guy. Go and confess to him and be free.”
Fear of rejection held me back until one day in June. That was the day I finally gathered the courage to write him a letter. He was in the classroom as I wrote it. Every now and then, I steal a glance at him and smile. When I finished, I called him aside and handed it to him. I still don’t know where I found the courage.
The next day, I couldn’t face him. I avoided him completely. I expected him to try and talk to me so that we could discuss the letter. That didn’t happen. In fact, there was a change in his behaviour toward me. Before the letter, he used to greet me, but afterwards, he stopped talking to me entirely. Instead, he would just stare at me blankly.
It took a year and two months before he asked for my number. Boy, talking to him felt incredible. He turned out to be everything I imagined; sweet, calm, funny, and perfect.
When he became my boyfriend we didn’t hide our relationship. Everyone in our class knew, and so did his family. I met them all. My favourite was his grandmother. Such a sweet soul, that woman. She always told us stories of young love, and how it would withstand the test of time if we stayed committed to each other. We never doubted that she was rooting for our love.
Our bond felt extraordinary, like soulmates. We understood each other without words. It was a fairytale kind of affair. No fights. No drama. Just pure happiness. I was sure nothing would come between us.
Until this year, 2025.
We completed school last year, and both of us did well. He found a job while I didn’t. His new schedule made him busier, while I didn’t have much going on for me. I didn’t mind though. I knew it was just a matter of time before I would get something doing too.
Despite his busy schedule, we arranged for me to visit him on Sundays, and those moments meant everything. I would describe them as the glue holding our love together.
However, things began to change in May. He became distant. His phone would go off for days, and he would give excuses like “I couldn’t find my charger.” It didn’t sound right, but I never doubted him. Only that I grew lonely.
During that time, I had a friend from church who is four years older than me. He always checked up on me and visited me, things my boyfriend couldn’t do. I didn’t love this church guy, but I got used to his presence. When he confessed his feelings for me, I didn’t agree to be with him, but I didn’t push him away either.
Then one evening in May, when Adonis finally visited me, I did something I regret to this day. I broke up with him. I told him I didn’t love him anymore — it was a lie.
“Don’t do this. You know how much I love you. I have just been busy,” he pleaded. I didn’t budge. In fact, he tried everything to change my mind, but I was firm. I tore his heart into pieces.
I was his first relationship, his first love, and his first heartbreak.
At that moment, I felt I was doing the right thing. When I left him I accepted my church friend’s proposal. I thought I could love him but I discovered that I was wrong. My heart only belonged to one person. Adonis.
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I miss him every single day. I regret my decision deeply. I’ve reached out, apologised, begged, but he won’t take me back. He has learned to live without me.
The pain of losing him is unbearable. He and I used to write poems for each other, and after the breakup, he wrote one titled “My First Love Turned Into a Heartbreak.” My chest tightens every time I read it. I know I hurt him. I hurt his family, especially his grandmother, who believed in us so much.
Three Months After Our Breakup, He Got Married
If I could turn back time, I would protect his heart. He gave me love in its purest form. He never demeaned me, never hurt me, never asked for anything except my love in return. But I failed him. Now, all I can do is wonder: Is he okay? Does he still think of me? Or has he buried our memories in a quest to forget me?
I know I’ll never forget him. I am still young but I know what we shared was a once-in-a-lifetime kind of love. Although he seems to have moved on, I am still waiting for him to come back to me. No matter how long it takes, if he needs me I’ll drop everything and go running to him.
—Cindy
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