Afotimber
My church organized a five-day revival service somewhere in 2009. I remember that year vividly because it was the year I met Paulina. I saw her on the first night of the program. We were both standing in a queue to get a taxi to the church. There were several people in the queue but her beautiful face and her graceful poise made her stand out. I greeted her, and she responded warmly.
We both got into the same taxi and alighted at the church premises. I seized the opportunity and asked her, “Are you a member of this church?” She smiled, “Yes, I have been in the church for the past three years. What about you?” I told her I only joined a few months ago. She then said, “Anytime you come to church and you feel lonely, come and look for me. I will be your friend.” I was touched by her offer and took her up on it that very day.
On the second day of the program, we met at the taxi station again. This time around there were four people between us in the queue so we couldn’t talk. We just nodded at each other and smiled. The next day I didn’t see her. She was not in church either. She was equally not present the day after that. I was concerned so I went looking for her among the congregation on the last day of the service.
When I found her she explained that she traveled so she was not in church for two days. We exchanged contacts that evening and started nurturing a strong bond of friendship. As we got to know each other we realized that we were alike in certain aspects of our lives. Paulina’s parents died when she was a child. So she lived with her aunt. Her aunt treated her so badly that Paulina grew up believing that she was alone in this world. I could relate with her experience.
My parents got divorced when I was a baby. My mother sunk into depression after that. So my aunt took me in. I lived with her till my mother decided to come for me. I was sixteen then. She couldn’t take good care of me when she forcefully took me from her sister. So my only other option was to live with other people as their housemaid until I turned twenty-four. That is how I survived. This is why I could relate to Paulina’s experience. We believed our meeting was divinely orchestrated. “God wants us to be each other’s family,” we often said.
Paulina and I usually had evening hangouts, to bond and catch up on life. She was the fun one among the two of us. And I was just happy to enjoy her company. Things progressed smoothly between us. I remember when she called to tell me she was getting married. I screamed for joy. The memories of that year are even bringing tears to my eyes. Her marriage was a win for both of us. I was thankful that my sister would finally get married and have a family of her own.
I was one of her bridesmaids. Three days to the wedding, I moved from where I lived to be with her so that I could run the last-minute errands for her. On the day of the wedding, we were all in the hotel room screaming and goofing around. All of us were thankful that God blessed Paulina with a good man.
There were a few changes after she got married but it was expected. We still hang out but it was not as frequent as we used to. I knew marriage would change our lives so I embraced the new phase we were in. Two years after her wedding I also got married. I didn’t have bridesmaids, just a maid of honour. And you needn’t be told that it was Paulina. Things continued to be good for us after my wedding.
The one problem we had was fertility issues. Try as much as we could, neither of us could get pregnant. It was during that period that it dawned on me that I had never been on birth control yet I never got pregnant. Paulina also shared my experience. Sometimes I would call her and pray for her, and encourage her to keep trusting God for a miracle. She would sometimes say, “It’s strange that the two of us are having difficulties conceiving. But I trust that our God will not let us down.”
As the years went by, we bonded over our shared misery and continued to trust In God. Then at some point, my period ceased for a few months. I was so excited. I thought I was pregnant. My husband and I bought pregnancy test kits and did a home test, but none of them came out positive. Out of frustration, we went to a fertility hospital for a check-up. After a series of tests, the doctors diagnosed me with PCOS. “You don’t have to panic,” the doctor said, “We will start you on a treatment that will help you conceive.” I kept Paulina informed about my progress every step of the way.
A few months into the treatment, I got so sick to the extent that I couldn’t get up and walk. My husband took me to the fertility hospital, only to be told, “Congratulations, you are pregnant!” I couldn’t believe it. I kept thinking, “God has finally done it.” The first person I called was Paulina, “P, you won’t believe this. I am finally pregnant. You have to come here with your husband. The doctor is very good. I believe you will conceive in no time.” When I finished she said, “Congratulations dear, I am happy for you.” However, she did not sound happy.
She went on, “I am not sure your treatment will work for me. Our doctor said we can only conceive through IVF.” I explained that the same was said for me, but I got pregnant without any IVF. “You can also get pregnant without IVF. Give it a try.” All she did was give me excuses, so I left it alone. I also didn’t bring up the topic whenever we spoke, so it wouldn’t seem like I was rubbing my miracle in her face.
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Throughout the pregnancy, I didn’t see her. It bothered me but I didn’t push it. The very day I delivered, I called her with joy, “P, your baby is here. When are you coming to see us?” She congratulated me and said she would call me back. That was all. I waited for her call but it never came. I called her throughout the week but she never answered any of my calls. I became concerned that something might have happened to her. Later, I found out that she was perfectly fine. She just did not want to talk to me. Each day, I watched our gate to see if she would walk through it and surprise me, but she never came.
From the time my baby was born till now, Paulina has not answered my calls. Once, I used a different phone to call her and she picked up. However, she hung up the moment she heard my voice. I have sent her quite a number of voice notes. I have asked her to forgive me if I did anything to offend her. I also let her know that, I understand if she needs space from me. I have also said that I don’t hold anything against her and that she can contact me whenever she needs to talk. Paulina listened to all my messages but didn’t respond to even one.
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One day my husband told me, “Don’t you think it’s time you move on from Paulina? It’s obvious that she no longer wants to be your friend.” I understand what he means but it’s hard. I think about her all the time. She has been married for over seven years now but she still doesn’t have a child. I know the kind of pressure she must be facing. I know her pain because I have felt it too. That’s why it breaks my heart that I am not there for her.
She should not be alone in her struggles when she has me. Sometimes I cry when I think about her but what can I do? We are currently in different regions, so I can’t even show up at her place unexpectedly. All I can do is wish her well. I do hope everything works out for her.
—Sylvie
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